Reasons to Fire Your Prenatal Healthcare Provider (Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore)
Because pregnancy is not the time for ego, shortcuts, or coercion.
Let me say this plainly: you are hiring a provider. You are not joining a cult. You are not signing up to be talked down to. And you are not required to tolerate poor care just because you’re pregnant - or don’t have the very best insurance plan. Pregnancy already comes with enough pressure. Your prenatal care should not add more—especially not from the person who is supposed to help you navigate decisions safely.
ACOG is clear that informed consent and shared decision-making matter in obstetrics, and that a capable adult patient has the right to refuse treatment - even during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. ACOG+1
So, if your provider is moving like your body belongs to their schedule, their preferences, or their ego… you can fire them. Simple. I understand also that it may not be so simple for many people - especially if you have financial constraints, health related pregnancy issues, etc. That alone is a conversation in and of itself for another day.
1) They’re snooty about your birth plan
If you bring thoughtful preferences and they respond with:
eye rolling
sarcasm
“We don’t do that here” (without explanation)
treating you like you’re “difficult” for asking questions
That’s not clinical excellence, babe. That’s control mamas.
A provider who respects you will explain what’s realistic in their setting, what’s evidence-based, what’s policy-based, and what alternatives exist without shaming you for wanting “more”.
2) Your appointments are always rushed (and your questions are treated like an inconvenience)
Short visits happen. Busy practices exist. But if every visit is five minutes, no education, no explanation, no time for informed choices… that’s a problem. The fact that people will even argie down that patients always receive “informed consent” is asinine to even believe. You need a provider who can make space for:
your history
your concerns
your risk factors
your plan for birth
your mental and emotional reality
3) They dismiss your concerns or emotions
Dismissal often sounds like:
“That’s normal.” (without assessment)
“You worry too much.”
“It’s just anxiety.”
“You’ll be fine.”
If you feel brushed off repeatedly, trust that signal. Prenatal care is not only labs: it’s judgment, listening, and prevention.
4) They act weird about doulas or additional support
If your provider is threatened by a doula, that’s a red flag. Like… they have the medical “degrees”, why are you threated Doc? Continuous labor support is associated with better outcomes in research (including reduced interventions and improved satisfaction). A confident provider is not competing with your support team, they’re collaborating.
5) They push induction without a valid reason—or without a real conversation
There are times induction is medically indicated. There are also times it’s elective. What matters is whether you’re being given a real decision. ACOG discourages non-medically indicated deliveries before 39 weeks because early-term deliveries are associated with increased neonatal risks. ACOG also discusses elective induction at 39 weeks for some low-risk pregnancies and frames it as a decision that should involve a thorough discussion of risks and benefits. So, a provider pressuring you without:
explaining the indication
discussing risks/benefits
discussing alternatives (including waiting/monitoring)
checking your values and preferences
…is not practicing shared decision-making.
6) They’re unsupportive or unwilling to allow VBAC (without individualized counseling)
Not every hospital supports TOLAC/VBAC. Not every patient is a candidate. But VBAC should be discussed respectfully, not shut down with fear, laziness, or blanket policies presented as “medical necessity.” ACOG’s VBAC guidance covers candidate considerations and emphasizes individualized counseling around TOLAC/VBAC. ACOG+1
If you’re being told “absolutely not” without a real explanation and you want a VBAC, you may simply be in the wrong practice or the wrong facility.
7) They use fear-based language to force compliance
Watch for phrases like:
“If you don’t do this, your baby will die.” (without a balanced risk discussion)
“You’ll rupture.” “You’ll hemorrhage.” “You’ll kill your baby.” - used as a hammer
“This is the only safe option.” (when multiple safe options exist)
Fear can be appropriate when risk is real, but coercion is not care. Shared decision-making requires actual choice. Mothers must do better in trusting their maternal compass and instinctual markers. Allowing white coats to have the power to push you into a state of fear because you were taught to believe “all doctors know what’s best for you” is not what we need.
8) They don’t explain risks, benefits, and alternatives in plain language
If you repeatedly leave appointments thinking:
“What did I just agree to?”
“I don’t even understand the plan.”
“They didn’t answer my question.”
That’s a problem. Informed consent is not a signature - it’s having obtained full comprehension.
9) They pressure you to consent right now
If you’re not in an emergency, you should generally have time to:
ask questions
consider options
get a second opinion if needed
A provider who rushes consent is usually rushing control, not safety.
10) They ignore your boundaries around exams and procedures
Pelvic exams, cervical checks, membrane sweeps - anything. If your “no” is treated like an obstacle instead of a decision, fire them. Again, ACOG explicitly recognizes a patient’s right to refuse recommended treatment.
11) Their office culture is disrespectful (and they allow it)
If staff are rude, dismissive, careless with privacy, or consistently mismanage your care - your provider is responsible for the environment they permit. You don’t have to “tough it out.”
12) They make you feel stupid for researching or asking questions
You’re not “Dr. Google.” You’re a parent doing due diligence. A provider who can’t handle questions is not a provider you want making high-stakes decisions around YOUR body.
13) They are inconsistent or sloppy with your records and follow-ups
Examples:
lost labs
“nobody called you?”
conflicting answers from staff
no clear plan for monitoring a concern
Pregnancy is not the time for administrative chaos.
14) They refuse reasonable accommodations or support people
Some facilities have policies, but a quality provider will:
explain what’s policy vs preference
help you navigate within constraints
advocate when appropriate
If the vibe is “because I said so,” that’s a control issue.
15) You consistently leave feeling unsafe, unheard, or pressured
This is the simplest one. If your nervous system is screaming every visit, listen. Even when you can’t “prove” something, your body keeps receipts.
What to do if you realize you need to switch
Step 1: Decide what you need
Circle your non-negotiables:
VBAC support?
Low-intervention approach?
Respect for doulas and support people?
More time, more education, better communication?
Step 2: Get your records (quickly)
Ask for:
prenatal chart notes
labs and imaging
problem list
any consult notes
Step 3: Interview new providers like you mean it
Ask:
“How do you handle informed consent and refusal?”
“What’s your VBAC/TOLAC policy and what hospital do you deliver at?”
“How do you decide about induction—what counts as a medical indication vs elective?”
“Are doulas welcome? Any restrictions?”
Step 4: Make the transfer (don’t over-explain)
You do not owe a dissertation. You’re a grown-ass adult.
Simple script (email or phone)
“Hi, I’m transferring my prenatal care. Please send my records to [new practice/fax/email portal]. Thank you.”
That’s it. If they ask why you’re transferring your care: “It was just a necessary decision.” No need to explain.
If you’re feeling pressured, dismissed, or confused in prenatal care, and you want help:
tightening your birth plan language
preparing questions that actually get answered
learning how to advocate without getting steamrolled
or mapping a VBAC-friendly strategy
Book A Childbirth Ed - Virtual Session!
Educational content only - not medical advice. If you have urgent symptoms or feel unsafe, seek medical care immediately.